You know what I love more than anything else -- revelation.
That kinda sounds odd, but revelation, the opening of one's eyes, truly seeing something for what it was, is, and will be... is freeing in the most beautiful of ways. Even in the death of what was once my life, there's tremendous revelation. I can now say that I know precisely what I want and exactly what I won't settle for.
A month ago, I couldn't have done the things I've done in the past four weeks. Two months ago, I thought I knew how this would all play out; I thought I knew what strength was. Three months ago, I was convinced that this was all my fault.
Today, though, today I have revelation. Sure, life isn't peachy keen at the moment, and who knows how long it'll be before it gets back there. But, fucking hell, I'm still breathing! The things that I knew for sure would torment me forever no longer do.
In January, on the first I think, I said I was ready to face 2010 and everything that comes with it... I know what that means now. I'm ready to face the end of this chapter, ready to close it and move on. I'm ready to face moving back to Alaska on my own; I'm ready to face long, lonely nights in my own bed. But most importantly, I'm ready to face being my boys' mom... on my own. I'm ready to make them my priority; I'm ready to give my all to them.
With these new revelations, I am ready.
That kinda sounds odd, but revelation, the opening of one's eyes, truly seeing something for what it was, is, and will be... is freeing in the most beautiful of ways. Even in the death of what was once my life, there's tremendous revelation. I can now say that I know precisely what I want and exactly what I won't settle for.
A month ago, I couldn't have done the things I've done in the past four weeks. Two months ago, I thought I knew how this would all play out; I thought I knew what strength was. Three months ago, I was convinced that this was all my fault.
Today, though, today I have revelation. Sure, life isn't peachy keen at the moment, and who knows how long it'll be before it gets back there. But, fucking hell, I'm still breathing! The things that I knew for sure would torment me forever no longer do.
In January, on the first I think, I said I was ready to face 2010 and everything that comes with it... I know what that means now. I'm ready to face the end of this chapter, ready to close it and move on. I'm ready to face moving back to Alaska on my own; I'm ready to face long, lonely nights in my own bed. But most importantly, I'm ready to face being my boys' mom... on my own. I'm ready to make them my priority; I'm ready to give my all to them.
With these new revelations, I am ready.
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