My Today

I walked 7 miles today.

I said no to cake, pie, cookies, and chocolate. I submitted to the chips and salsa that were calling my name.

I grilled the best ribeye ever.

I sold my wedding rings.

I called a friend, looking for a friendly ear, only to hear her tell me that the solution to my problem is to find some no-name, random fuck.

I rented the car for another week. I paid for it myself. I handled it myself.

I put some more of our stuff on craigslist. I've no use for it any longer.

I dealt with financial crisis concerning my classes. I figured out a payment plan that may allow me to just pay for it without taking out more loans.

I taught my youngest to tie his shoes. I watched his face light up with pride.

I listened to my oldest tell the story of how he killed the biggest jumping spider ever to his brothers. I watched his face glow as he puffed out his chest and exclaimed that he was brave.

I wiped away the tears from my little boy's eyes as he told me how he 'wished you two could stop being mad at each other.'

I held him close and said, "Me too, baby, me too."

I cried. Behind sunglasses with muffled groans, I cried on the drive home. I held my shoulders back into the seat, unwilling to let them hunch forward. I refused to let myself cry more than the drive home.

I took my boys to the park. They rode their scooters and bikes alongside me and cheered me on as I jogged.

All these things I did... on my own, without you. All these things I faced.... on my own, without you.

All these things prove I'm going to be okay... on my own, without you.

The Beginnings of My To-Do List

1: Forgive him.

2: Take my boys blueberry picking at Sheep Mountain.

3: Learn how to gut a salmon.

4: Spend Christmas in New Zealand!

5: Become an Early Intervention Specialist.

6: Ride the train down to Seward.

7: Learn the guitar... finally.

8: Wander the streets of some small town in Ireland.

9: Meet Jacqui!!!

10: Take my boys to Disney World... on my own! :)

11: Ditch all this extra weight.

12: Take a cruise.

13: Ride a roller coaster.

14: Try one new recipe each week.

15: Keep up with blogging.

16: Save $25,000 in my savings account.

17: Learn to be still.

18: Play pool.

19: Actually go to Vegas for a Girls Night Out Weekend.

20: See Hawaii for myself.

21: Make out in an alley.

22: Try my hand at making pottery.

23: Take massage therapy classes.

24: Finally, get a tan!!!

25: Spend time in Mexico.

26: See what the fuss is about Puerto Rico.

27: Go back to that huge ass mall in Edmonton!

28: Buy another house; this time, on my own.

29: Participate in a marathon.

30: Watch a rowing race.

31: Camp down on the pennisula with my boys.

32: Get another tattoo.

33: Ask a guy out.

34: Try downhill skiing again.

35: Take my boys sledding down five mile run!

36: Kiss my love under the Northern Lights.

37: Get back into volunteering with Special Olympics again.

38: Take some cake-decorating classes.

39: Figure out how to grill the perfect steak!

40: Get one of those hot rocks massages.

41: Fly first class.

42: Get over my beef with God.

43: See a Broadway show.

44: Learn to shoot a gun.

45: Roam New York City.

46: Ride that sling shot ride at the State Fair.

47: Cash $1000 and blow it on one helluva fun day with my boys!

48: Stay up drinking and chatting all night with Jacqui while in NZ!

49: Have a one-night stand.

50: Love someone fully.

51: Go out dancing.

52: Learn sign language.

53: Pay off my student loans.

54: Finish this list...